 OMG and these people get paid? You may have seen some of these before, but they are worth a giggle or two. SEARS: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two..' We haven't used Sears repair since. MCDONALDS, SURREY: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a loonie back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, We're sorry but we can not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's in Surrey, B.C. BURNABY: I work in Burnaby, B.C. We recently had a Burnaby taxpayer call the city's Traffic Dept. to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on the Barnett Highway. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' From a Burnaby Traffic staff. VANCOUVER MALL: My daughter went to Pacific Center mall food court and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal' lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From the City of Vancouver. VANCOUVER AIRPORT: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened at Vancouver International Airport. PORT MOODY: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Port Moody, BC COQUITLAM: This happened at a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Coquitlam, B.C. SURREY: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A clerk at the City of Surrey's Court House, no less. BURNABY: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Coastal Ford dealership in Burnaby, B.C. STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE !
Coaching to use your Talents!
The Parable of the Talents You may remember this story from your Sunday School days -- or if you were raised in faith other than one founded on Biblical teachings, this lesson may have been told another way. In any case, it has such an important message to bring, that I'm sharing it with you again today, with a slightly different twist. The story of the parable of the talents is a simple one. A landowner is going away for a period of time and gives some money to each of three of his employees. He asks them to take care of it and use it wisely because when he comes back from his trip, he'll demand an accounting from each one. He gives them differing amounts -- one gets 10, one gets 5 and the third gets only one talent. It's my understanding that a talent was a form of monetary currency; perhaps the differing amounts reflected the level of seniority of his employees. Upon his return he asks each man to return the money he gave them and explain what he had done with it. The first (the one who got 10 talents) had invested his talents and doubled them -- he now had 20 talents. He turned the entire sum over the landowner who was thrilled and commended him highly. The second had received 5 talents and had similarly invested and doubled his; he now had 10 talents. These he likewise turned over to the landowner and was praised well for his diligence. The third had received only one talent. He took the talent and buried it in the ground. Upon the landowner's return, he dug up the talent and gave it back. The landowner was furious with him. He took the single talent away from him and gave it to the one who had earned 10 more from his investments. So that's the story. And here's what I make of that: Each of us is given some talents in life -- some get more than others, but that isn't important. What is important, is what we do with them. You have been given some sacred gift from God, the Universe, Source -- whatever word you use is fine. But are you using your gift to bring joy, healing, life into the hearts of others? If not, why not? Are you spending your time doing things that increase your sense of fulfillment? Or are you spinning your wheels with stuff that brings you down? You see, when you are using your sacred gifts or talents, time flies. It doesn't feel like work. And when we spend our time doing things that bring us joy, pleasure, satisfaction, fulfillment, we can radiate that energy and give it to others. That's why having fun every day is such an important thing. As a coach, I frequently hear the argument that one can't spend all one's time playing. (In fact, I've used that same argument myself!) But you CAN spend time doing what you love. Use your talents in your work -- better yet, find work that you love! You CAN create joy in your own life, so that you have happy things to talk about. You CAN share jokes, and laughter with those you love. You CAN smile! And doing those things will go a long way to bringing joy into not only your own life, but also in the lives of others. And using your talents to do that will only increase the number of opportunities you are given. No matter how many clients I've worked with, each of them has found the same thing -- that when you include FUN, play, pleasure and joy in your life, everyone around you benefits. Your own energy goes up, your productivity increases, you sleep more soundly, and (for those who indulge) your sex life starts to soar. Many of my clients even say that their income goes up! And when that happens, you have even more talents to share with others. Some people have said that "Money is the root of all evil." I don't believe that; and neither does Randy Gage. He says that money is love in action (or at least it can be ...) So why not try bringing more FUN into your life? Use your talents to increase the joy and life fulfillment of yourself and everyone around you. And let me know how that spills over into your own life. Let's have an accounting of how we use our talents. Til next time, Linda
Coach helps remind us who we are!
The Yellow Shirt As a life-coach, I look for ways to remind my clients of who they are on the inside. So when a friend sends me a story that helps do that, I can't help pass it on. My friend Maggie sent in the following story -- it's heart-warming and I think you'll truly enjoy it. "Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. " The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. "You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt... 'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!' "It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!" I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned. The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier. That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again. • The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! • And so the pattern was set... • On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character. • In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.' • I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.. • Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer. • Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.' • Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.' But I didn't stop there.. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it. • Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: 'Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother.' • That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: 'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me.' • The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57. • I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets. I just loved this story -- it helped remind me of all the lovely things we do for one another and what a difference those small things really make. Please feel free to pass it on to someone you love.
Coach gets Inspired!
Going with the Flow I first heard this expression when I attended a personal growth camp in Alberta. The trainer was a great guy and really held our attention. He advocated strongly that we not resist whatever ups and downs life brought our way, but that we move with the energy. As you probably guess, this was a lot easier at camp; in real life, going with the flow can be a huge challenge. Take my friend Susan, for instance. She just recently learned that her brother had been injured in a job-site accident. He broke the femur in his right leg. At first, they thought it was his hip. Being that he is not yet even 50 years old, that was less concerning than it would be if he were older. Nevertheless, he lives alone in a remote area of the province so this accident will have a profound effect on his lifestyle. Susan is a very caring sister and offered to have him come and stay with her and her husband. Since they live in a one-bedroom apartment, this would also have a significant effect on her lifestyle. His recovery period is expected to be some 3 - 5 months, so Susan's offer was indeed a generous one. Susan was interested in my opinion about all of this, since I too was in a life-changing accident just about a year ago. I explained to her that the most profound change for me was to learn how to ask for help, and to be dependent on others. Her brother is the same independent kind of person I am so she anticipates he might face the same challenge. All of this comes at a time when she has a huge workload on her plate. Her husband has just taken a new job, and her own business is coming into the busiest time of the year. So as her coach, I asked her how she was coping with all of this. She explained that this had remarkably shifted her priorities in a big way. She realized that -- although work is extremely important, and paying the bills is a necessity -- her energy had suddenly shifted to focussing on her brother. She was very calm, and almost serene. This calmness seemed to come out of a place of non-resistance to what is. I think that's the key. Not resisting what is. Going with the flow. Life had dealt her a new set of cards and she was playing the hand beautifully! And instead of creating havoc in her already busy schedule, things just started to fall into place. And the most remarkable thing was that she saw all of this as a blessing -- an opportunity to give back to her brother, bring the family closer, and get to know him better. What could be better? As I reflected on how she was responding to this new turn of events, I couldn't help but admire her. And sharing her story is one way to do that. I hope it inspires you to 'go with the flow'. Play the hand you are dealt. And do so with joy. If we can help in any way, please let us know. Warmly,
Encouraging Others
My friend Bernice sends me not only the best jokes, but some of the most heartfelt and moving notes of inspiration. Here's one I really love -- enjoy! When your hut's on fireThe only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied. The Moral of This Story:
It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God. P.S You may want to consider passing this on, because you never know who feels as if their hut is on fire today
Cancer Can be Beaten!
My sister-in-law was recently diagnosed with a very advanced form of cancer and many of my friends have been sharing inspiring stories with me to forward on to her and her family. This is one of the best! Lucky Dog....* Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't have a pet, and you may even decide you need one! Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box. It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease . . .In fact, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her . . . What would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death. The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, Walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure. Remember . . . Live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget . . . The people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us. If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. And if you are so inclined, let someone else know about this beautiful story -- it may touch their heart! Till next time, Linda
Don't Mess with Old People
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No.' Then they said 'All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay' He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them,' and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!' (True Story) I LOVE IT!
|
