Coaching to help you have More Fun!

So Who are the 'Fun Police'?

That was the question posed to me by my life coach, Anna. We were talking about our inner sabatoeurs and how they limit us in our daily lives, in the pursuit of our dreams, and in having fun!

I have a whole lot of them, and Anna challenged me to name them and -- over the next week, specifically -- to identify what kinds of thoughts and feelings they create inside me. At first I resisted. I felt there were too many of them, and that it would take far too long for me to meet her challenge.

However, when I really looked at that resistance, I realized that those thoughts were the work of my sabatoeur called "Not fast enough!" Boy, has that one ever been around for a lo-o-o-ng time!

When I was a little girl, my dad used to walk with me everywhere -- we didn't have a car then, so walking was pretty much it for getting around. His legs were long and mine were short and I had to run to keep up with him. I remember wailing "Daddy, slow down; you're going to fast!"

But he never did. He was always in a hurry, and over the years -- growing up -- I learned to be the same. He used to tell me to 'use your head, instead of your feet', so I learned to not only be fast, but efficient.

I guess you might be wondering what all this has to do with 'fun'.

Over the next week, I promise to explore that with you.

But first, let me identify how this guy talks to me and I feel when I listen.

Not fast enough feeds into that overall feeling of 'not good enough'. No doubt you're familiar with that one.

If you are at all like me, you're driven partly at least by the need to please others. As I grew up, I was always the 'good little girl', so I got lots of affirmations from my parents. This established a pattern for me that continued well into my adult life. Not getting affirmations, not being 'patted on the head' (both literally and figuratively) was an uncomfortable place for me to be.

So from an early age, I developed the radar to help me quickly know what behaviours, words, and actions would garner me the proverbial 'pat on the back'. In fact, I got very good at figuring out what other people would like, tried to anticipate their needs and fulfill them, often before they even asked.

My mom does this really well -- in fact, growing up I remember quite distinctly hoping I could be like her. I thought her to be the most considerate person in the world. Being considerate was an attribute I aspired to having.

As I became older, left the home, got a job, I cultivated this skill -- and was given projects to work on where this skill would serve both me and the company very well. I regularly brought my projects in ON TIME and UNDER BUDGET! You can guess that I was quite proud of my career accomplishments.

Now, ask me how much fun I had while working on a project.

The answer is 'None!'

I could glow in the praise immediately following a completed project, but soon after started searching for another, bigger challenge. All this in the name of getting more accolades.

What was critical for me was getting the job done and doing it faster, more effectively and more efficiently than anyone else.

Not that I needed all the praise just for me; no, I share the spotlight with my team and loved what they contributed. But I was so focused on deadlines that I often took work home, worked on weekends, blah, blah, blah -- you know the drill.

I was seldom available to go out socializing, to play with my kids, to have fun. No, no, no, no! This was important. Nothing else could ever take precedence.

As I look back on that now, I feel like a schmuck! (But I just bet that's another one of my sabatoeurs trying to have a party at my expense ... ha, ha). So enough for now. Coach Anna will be proud of me, don’t you agree?

But stay tuned for more naming of the Fun Police -- you might meet someone you know!

SEIZE THE MOMENT!

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert atdinner that fateful night in an effort to 'cut back the calories'; from then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible!!

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would choke up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.'And my personal favourite: 'It's Monday.'

She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches; We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! Well, let me tell you, there's no fun in PERFECTION!!!!

We tell ourselves we'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get the little one toilet-trained; we'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet; we'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips had not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now, go on and have a nice day.

Do something you WANT to......not something you SHOULD DO. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?

And why are you waiting?

Til next time,
Linda

Coaching in the News!

There was an article in the Vancouver Sun recently. The reporter was observing the increase in the number of people in the workplace who are in a relationship with a coach. Many of these individuals chose Career Coaches as a way of ensuring a smoother and faster climb up the Corporate Ladder.

This prompted some inquiries to me in my business – I am a Life Coach with a presence on the web and a healthy blog. Most of the calls and e-mails were asking me to describe what coaching is, and how they could know if they needed one.

Here is my reply, in part:

A coach will do for you what Tiger Woods’ coach does for him – not that I’m saying that a coach will make you a superstar or a millionaire. That may have been what Tiger wanted in his life. But it’s more likely that what he wanted was someone to keep him on the track to realizing his goals and his dreams.

To put it simply, a coach is there to remind you of what you already know – to keep you accountable to what you say is important to you. He or she will help you prioritize your life, manage your time, ensure that there is balance between all the important ways you use your energy. Most good coaches will have a tool-box of processes and exercises. They will ask you to play full-on with them in the game and help you look at what are the causes and outcomes when you DON’T play full-on.

When you sign on for a coaching program, you are usually asked to commit to a three-month or six-month period. Some programs are even longer – one, two or even three years! Consider this an investment in yourself – and, if you are squirmy about that, ask yourself what value you place on YOU, on your time, your energy and your life.

You may be working one-on-one with the coach, or in a group coaching program. Both are equally effective; however, if your goals or available time are unique and you want to achieve different levels than others, you may prefer working with a coach one-on-one. Some coaches will agree to meet with you; most will coach you over the phone.

You should be provided with follow-up material that will help integrate what you are learning into your life in a meaningful way. And your coach will likely be available through e-mail in between coaching sessions.

Your coaching program will be structured – with measurable, achievable benchmarks along the way. For example, if your coaching session is geared to helping you deal with your fear around asking for support, there will be exercises designed to help you do that in baby steps. The coach will ask you to continually look at where you were when you started, and how far you’ve come. This will enable you to see what you’ve accomplished and will reinforce the value you are getting from your investment of time and money.

No matter whether the program is designed to help you achieve financial goals, career aspirations or – as in my clients’ case – significant life changes, you and your coach will continually assess your progress. He or she will NOT try to define that for you, nor will you be asked to commit to something that you don’t believe in. Your coach really wants you to succeed – in whatever you say is important to you.

So look around for a really good coach – one you feel comfortable with, one who challenges you to be the best you can be and supports you in your dream to achieve that. Life is about change, growth, progress. Going through those changes is profoundly easier with a coach

Best Laugh of the Week Aug 20 2008

As usual, my friend Bernice does it again!

My Day ...





I didn't want to get out of bed this morning



I had a stiff neck!



I washed my hair but couldn't do a thing with it!



Made breakfast for the cranky youngsters ...



... and fed the baby a bottle

who spilled milk all over her chin and my new blouse!


















I loaded up the kids in the carseat and took them to daycare and school;



I was late for work, and traffic was a nightmare!






My husband called to say he'd been laid off from his construction job.











I go to the office where I'm a tech analyst ...


My supervisor gave me a chewing out!



I went out for lunch where I got caught in the rain!













Left work early to pick up my new glasses -- wrong size!



Then picked up the kids from school and daycare ...

Fed them all a quick meal ...
After much hounding, they brushed their teeth ...













... took their baths ...












... and went to bed!

LAVERNE'S STORY

As a life-coach whose primary focus is on how women support others, I constantly look for stories of women finding their purpose and their passion and moving forward with it boldly. Here is one such story.

My friend, Laverne, is involved with the most amazing project! I had to share it with you, because her story is so moving, and because it is full of inspiration. Just look at what one woman can do when she gathers the support of others – she can move mountains. Here’s what she wrote as a promotional piece:

A Quiet Place

lullabies and more…

The Vancouver Chamber Choir is embarking on the third disc in our Music for Healing series, entitled ‘A Quiet Place - lullabies and more…’

Our intention is to integrate the concepts of ‘Finding the Still Point’ and ‘Unexpected Gifts’ in a way that helps children and parents find that inner stillness which is so healing.

The disc will combine lullabies and other gentle songs, interspersed with soothing poems. It is our hope that the CD will be calming for children who are agitated, reassuring for those who are frightened, and comforting for those who are ill or grieving.

Parents - whether or not their children are in difficulty - need resources that enable sharing moments of calmness and connection with each child. This disc will be focused on creating such an environment.

To fund this new CD we are offering limited edition covers to donors. Families will have the opportunity to put a picture of their child or family grouping on the cover of the booklet. For a $1000 donation, the family will receive 10 CDs with their picture on the cover and a tax receipt for $850.

Most recently, Laverne shared with me that many other influential people have gotten on board with this project. She sent me the booklet containing samples of the narration and it moved me to tears.

She also has been invited to be at the International Congress on Palliative Care in Montreal in September to distribute this beautiful CD. This is a conference of over 1500 health care professionals from all over the world. (How’s that for making a difference?!!?)

If you’d like to know more about this project, please visit the Vancouver Chamber Choir’s web-site by clicking on the link.

Or to enquire about the limited edition covers please contact Laverne Gfroerer

at bgfr@direct.ca or 604-985-3280

Best Laugh of The Week - July 28

Buzzing Undies make shopper faint

A woman collapsed in a supermarket when her vibrating panties made her faint with pleasure. The kinky 33-year old was wearing a pair of batterie-operated Passion Pants, bought from a a sex shop, while she did her shopping, according to the British tabloid The Sun.

But she got so simulated by the 6cm vibrating bullet in the panties that she lost consciousness. She fell and hit her head in Swansea, Wales. When paramedics arrived they found her black imitation leather knickers still buzzing. They took them off before the ambulance took her to hospital. The woman, whose identity had been kept private, suffered no long lasting ill-effects. And as she left the hospital, a paramedic gave her back the Passion Pants in a plastic bag.

A spokesman from the Asda supermarket chain told The Sun: "We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough already."

Tea Time Love Bite.

A Woman almost bit off her husband's willy as he cooked pancakes for tea - while she gave him oral sex. In the heat of passion he lost his grip on the pan and spilt boiling oil down her naked back. She clenched her teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed her on the head with the pan. Both only admitted how they received their injuries after "intense questioning" by hospital docs in Carioca, Romainia. The man needed treatment to his willy while the wife had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone.

Swimmer trapped by beach balls.

A Man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had become stuck between two slats of wood. Mario Visnjic had been swimming naked off the Valata beach in Croatia and his testicles had shrunk in the cool sea. When he sat down they slipped through the slats and then as he lay in the sun, expanded back to normal size. He was freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the chair in half. �

Just Ask for Help

Many of the stories in this blog are about how women support others – their families, their friends, their employers, and often their parents. Almost all of us are good at being there when we are needed. We seldom say ‘no’ when asked for help.

Ironically though, we forget that when we need help ourselves. We make up a story that others are too busy to help us and so we don’t ask. And we give up on our dreams, believing that since we can’t do it on our own, it just isn’t meant to be.
How silly is that?!?

I speak from experience here.

An opportunity presented itself to me recently – something I had always dreamed of, but never thought would become a reality in my life. But, like most opportunities, it came with a few hurdles.

In a conversation with two of my dearest friends, I shared my ambivalence about this opportunity. How quick to provide support were they! They began by NOT letting me let go of the dream, insisting that I look honestly at what was keeping me from moving forward. And when I did that, I had to admit that what was holding me back was believing that I had to do it all by myself.

They made me realize that there was another option – asking for help.
Like most women, I was reluctant to ask for help, never mind RECEIVE it!

I thought that because something was hard for me, it was hard for others; I was so afraid to do some of the things required, I wouldn’t even start. And it hadn’t occurred to me that my friends might not share those fears.

My friend Carolyn (who is a Life Coach, here in Vancouver) was quick to point out that not only was she NOT AFRAID, she loved doing the things that scared me. Can you imagine my relief at hearing that? (and secretly, I wondered if she wasn’t just being kind …)

But she was genuinely interested in helping me and seeing me move toward my dream.
So, emboldened by her offer of help, I bucked up my courage and began the first few tentative steps.

And I know now that my dream really may come true; maybe that’s what they mean when they say that you CAN have your dream if you are willing to do what’s hard.

I’m not fully there yet, but here’s something interesting that’s happened along the way: I’ve decided to drop the thinking that others might not be willing to help me, and I’ve started to do what’s hard and ask others for help. You probably know what the response has been – to a one, every person I’ve asked has stepped up and been there for me.

And while this ALWAYS blows me away, I’m very grateful and I intend to continue asking – and receiving help. And stop trying to be a lone ranger.