Can you have Fun and still be Responsible?
This is one of those questions you can ask at a party and spark a really lively debate.
Frequently people will fall into one of two camps: those who think that having fun and being responsible are mutually exclusive, and those who think you can do both but just not at the same time. A few others will argue that the question itself is an oxymoron -- like jumbo shrimp or efficient governments.
But I forged ahead with my question and here's what I've learned.
1. Even Grade 1 children have difficulty with this issue. In her Important Book (author Margaret Wise Brown) that she shares with her students each year, many of them agree that being responsible is the Most Important thing to learn in Grade 1; other children think having fun is the Most Important thing.
My friend Teresa Romain told me an interesting story about Grade 1 children a few years ago. We were in Chicago attending her Access Abundance workshop and she had us reflect on our early years in school.
"Remember when you first went to Grade 1 and before school you played outside in the school yard, running around, laughing and playing and then the bell rang and you went inside?" And we all nodded our heads, smiling.
"And you worked at your reading for a while and then it was recess. And everyone went outside and played, running around, skipping, throwing the ball. And then the bell rang and you went back inside."
We smiled and nodded some more.
"And then you worked at math for a little while, and then it was lunchtime. You ate your lunch and then went outside to play, run around, throw a ball, swing, play hopscotch. And then the bell rang and you went back inside."
By now, most of us are stroking our chins and thinking, "Hmm there is a pattern here!"
"And after lunch you started working on your music, or your social studies and before you knew it -- the bell rang and it was recess again!"
You get the picture; a little bit of work, a little bit of play, and somehow all the little children in Grade 1 had enough energy to get through the entire day. Even enough to play a bit more when they got home from school. (Because in those days, we didn't come home from school to flop in front of the TV for an hour before dinner.)
Teresa's point was that working hard (and being responsible) is a lot more productive AND fun, if it's interspersed with a whole bunch of play. Ask any Grade 1 student you know.
2. If you continually push yourself to do the things you don't want to do (ie your responsibilities, and your 'work') and never allow yourself to do the things that you DO want to do, some really bad things happen.
First, you'll forget what it is that you do love to do. You'll find yourself all grown up and responsible, but completely unable to enjoy yourself. You won't know what brings you pleasure, you won't know how to savour the moments, relax and be present to yourself. (And when you can't be present to yourself, you can't easily be present to others; but that's a whole other story ...)
Second, you'll lose yourself. I say this because, when you only know one side of yourself, the other part of you shrinks away to nothingness. My friend Harv Eker says that "What you focus on expands". So if you focus on the 'responsible' side of yourself, that side of you will take on a greater and greater importance in your mind, and in your life.
(If you want to put this theory to the test, think about the last time you bought something new -- a new car, or a new dress, or a new pair of shoes -- and then notice how often you see other people with the exact same car, dress or shoes. They turn up in magazines, friends talk about other people who have recently purchased the same thing -- try it for yourself!)
Conversely, all the things you aren't focusing on diminish in importance to both your conscious and your sub-conscious mind. See point four below.
Third, you'll wake up one day and realize that you don't really know yourself at all. You do things because you think you should "I should fold that laundry", instead of taking a warm bubble bath and painting your toes. "I should take that course in astrology", when what would give you much more pleasure is reading a good book, or taking in a musical. Your life will be run by 'shoulds' and you won't even realize that you are not doing something because it is fun, but because on some level, you think you should at least want to do it.
4. Because you've chosen not to focus on the fun things in life, when you wake up and smell the coffee (ie, someone repeatedly says "You're no fun!" and the message finally sinks in), it will take an enormous amount of energy to get out there and actually play. In fact, many of the clients that I speak to regularly tell me that they believe having fun is just more work than it's worth!
But it is worth it! Believe me, once you push yourself through the inner resistance to the idea of fun, once you convince yourself that you deserve to get out there and play, once you realize that your 'work' will be a lot more productive when broken up by play time, you can have fun and still be responsible.
3. Being responsible almost always implies 'to some body else'. Far too often, the shoulds in our heads are designed to do something with some other person's goals in mind. Of course, as mothers, this is built right in. We take responsibility for our children, for the house, for the husband's laundry, picking up the dry-cleaning, shopping for groceries, preparing meals, etc. (I realize I'm generalizing here, but indulge me a little.)
But the problem is that we fail to take responsibility for our own needs. And just in case you've forgotten, we all have a need for PLAY.
As we juggle the priorities of everyone we love, we often forget to include ourselves on that list. Look at your calendar; when was the last time you made an appointment to do something JUST for you? And I'm not talking about getting your mammogram, or your annual physical.
If it's been longer than you can remember, then it's time to step up and take care of YOU!
Book a date with a friend to see a movie; go to the ART Gallery all by yourself to just browse and be inspired; set up a monthly get-together with two or three friends to explore a new book, try some new cooking ideas, or share some wine.
And consider this a lesson in Grade 1 -- being responsible and having fun are both the Most Important things.
Frequently people will fall into one of two camps: those who think that having fun and being responsible are mutually exclusive, and those who think you can do both but just not at the same time. A few others will argue that the question itself is an oxymoron -- like jumbo shrimp or efficient governments.
But I forged ahead with my question and here's what I've learned.
1. Even Grade 1 children have difficulty with this issue. In her Important Book (author Margaret Wise Brown) that she shares with her students each year, many of them agree that being responsible is the Most Important thing to learn in Grade 1; other children think having fun is the Most Important thing.
My friend Teresa Romain told me an interesting story about Grade 1 children a few years ago. We were in Chicago attending her Access Abundance workshop and she had us reflect on our early years in school.
"Remember when you first went to Grade 1 and before school you played outside in the school yard, running around, laughing and playing and then the bell rang and you went inside?" And we all nodded our heads, smiling.
"And you worked at your reading for a while and then it was recess. And everyone went outside and played, running around, skipping, throwing the ball. And then the bell rang and you went back inside."
We smiled and nodded some more.
"And then you worked at math for a little while, and then it was lunchtime. You ate your lunch and then went outside to play, run around, throw a ball, swing, play hopscotch. And then the bell rang and you went back inside."
By now, most of us are stroking our chins and thinking, "Hmm there is a pattern here!"
"And after lunch you started working on your music, or your social studies and before you knew it -- the bell rang and it was recess again!"
You get the picture; a little bit of work, a little bit of play, and somehow all the little children in Grade 1 had enough energy to get through the entire day. Even enough to play a bit more when they got home from school. (Because in those days, we didn't come home from school to flop in front of the TV for an hour before dinner.)
Teresa's point was that working hard (and being responsible) is a lot more productive AND fun, if it's interspersed with a whole bunch of play. Ask any Grade 1 student you know.
2. If you continually push yourself to do the things you don't want to do (ie your responsibilities, and your 'work') and never allow yourself to do the things that you DO want to do, some really bad things happen.
First, you'll forget what it is that you do love to do. You'll find yourself all grown up and responsible, but completely unable to enjoy yourself. You won't know what brings you pleasure, you won't know how to savour the moments, relax and be present to yourself. (And when you can't be present to yourself, you can't easily be present to others; but that's a whole other story ...)
Second, you'll lose yourself. I say this because, when you only know one side of yourself, the other part of you shrinks away to nothingness. My friend Harv Eker says that "What you focus on expands". So if you focus on the 'responsible' side of yourself, that side of you will take on a greater and greater importance in your mind, and in your life.
(If you want to put this theory to the test, think about the last time you bought something new -- a new car, or a new dress, or a new pair of shoes -- and then notice how often you see other people with the exact same car, dress or shoes. They turn up in magazines, friends talk about other people who have recently purchased the same thing -- try it for yourself!)
Conversely, all the things you aren't focusing on diminish in importance to both your conscious and your sub-conscious mind. See point four below.
Third, you'll wake up one day and realize that you don't really know yourself at all. You do things because you think you should "I should fold that laundry", instead of taking a warm bubble bath and painting your toes. "I should take that course in astrology", when what would give you much more pleasure is reading a good book, or taking in a musical. Your life will be run by 'shoulds' and you won't even realize that you are not doing something because it is fun, but because on some level, you think you should at least want to do it.
4. Because you've chosen not to focus on the fun things in life, when you wake up and smell the coffee (ie, someone repeatedly says "You're no fun!" and the message finally sinks in), it will take an enormous amount of energy to get out there and actually play. In fact, many of the clients that I speak to regularly tell me that they believe having fun is just more work than it's worth!
But it is worth it! Believe me, once you push yourself through the inner resistance to the idea of fun, once you convince yourself that you deserve to get out there and play, once you realize that your 'work' will be a lot more productive when broken up by play time, you can have fun and still be responsible.
3. Being responsible almost always implies 'to some body else'. Far too often, the shoulds in our heads are designed to do something with some other person's goals in mind. Of course, as mothers, this is built right in. We take responsibility for our children, for the house, for the husband's laundry, picking up the dry-cleaning, shopping for groceries, preparing meals, etc. (I realize I'm generalizing here, but indulge me a little.)
But the problem is that we fail to take responsibility for our own needs. And just in case you've forgotten, we all have a need for PLAY.
As we juggle the priorities of everyone we love, we often forget to include ourselves on that list. Look at your calendar; when was the last time you made an appointment to do something JUST for you? And I'm not talking about getting your mammogram, or your annual physical.
If it's been longer than you can remember, then it's time to step up and take care of YOU!
Book a date with a friend to see a movie; go to the ART Gallery all by yourself to just browse and be inspired; set up a monthly get-together with two or three friends to explore a new book, try some new cooking ideas, or share some wine.
And consider this a lesson in Grade 1 -- being responsible and having fun are both the Most Important things.
posted by Admin at
8:16 AM
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