Feelings

I have three friends that cause me some really bad feelings. I met them when I was a lot younger – in fact, my parents introduced me to them. Their names are Coulda, Woulda, and Should.

Coulda and Wouda both cause me feelings of sadness, disappointment and regret. They make me feel like a victim, like I don’t have the power to make good decisions and create a life full of joy and happiness. Here’s an example: “I coulda made a lot of money by now if I’d bought a property in Edmonton 3 years ago when my friend Pablo did!” Or, “I woulda loved to go to that spa retreat if I had enough money.”

So these two are friends I don’t like to hang around with very much. They make me tired.

But of the three, my friend Should is the worst. He fills me with feelings of not being good enough. When I feel like just staying home and reading a book, he tells me I should be DOING something productive. Or when I treat myself to something FUN, he tells me that I should be more careful with my money, or that I should be buying something for someone else!

There are times, honestly, when I wish my parents had never introduced me to these friends. I’m not sure that I need friends like that in my life.

But they show up, uninvited, and it can be a bit of a challenge getting rid of them.

Their presence has been the reason I’ve often chosen NOT to follow my intuition. As you know, intuition is really just listening to your ‘gut’, following your feelings. Many of us struggle with getting in touch with our intuition, never mind following it. But in order to have the joy, fulfillment and peace we all seek, it’s important to go where your spirit is leading you. And you won’t find your spirit in your head!

Shakti Gawain says in her book, Living in the Light, “The spirit always tends toward expansiveness, greater energy, and aliveness.” The mind, on the other hand, considers safety, the status quo, which ultimately leads to a feeling of fatigue at best, or deadness at worst.
So, tuning in to my intuition is extremely important; I can’t let friends like Coulda, Woulda, and Should get in the way of my intention to create a life that is exciting, fun, and fulfilling.

So how do I get them to leave? Thought you’d never ask …

… First of all, know that you CAN learn to ignore these friends; it is a skill that you can be taught, or you can teach yourself. And once you make the commitment to learn that skill, believe me, all Heaven and Earth will conspire to assist you. Start by observing what happens when you dismiss them; do you get the results you were hoping for? Is life a little easier? Be conscious of doing this and bring your awareness to what changes occur in your life.

Second, be kind to yourself; there will be times when your head will take over and before you know it, you’ll have said “Yes,” when you wanted to say “No”, or you’ll have taken action when what you really needed was rest. Don’t let Mr. Should, get his teeth into you and tell you that you should have listened to your heart. (These guys are tricky – they’ll even use right thinking as a tool against you.) You already feel badly enough; so don’t make it worse.

Third, make an effort every day to tune into your heart – just stop whatever you are doing right now, and ask if it feels right. The more often you do this, the more you’ll connect with what your spirit is leading you to do. And the better you’ll feel.

Finally, if you are really struggling, you can ask for help. Our coaches are trained facilitators in listening to your heart, and may be able to assist you. Ask for a free sample session.

I promise you that when you do learn to follow your intuition, you’ll see much more of what you want your life to have, you’ll be much more of who you want to be, and things will be a lot easier than you can imagine. And Coulda, Woulda, and Should won’t come around so often. What could be better than that?

How Spontaneous Are You?

I’ve had the good fortune this past couple of weeks to spend a lot of time at the local rec centre. There is a great swimming pool, hot tub, steam room, and I’ve enjoyed some time with my grandkids and with my daughter.

All of this forms part of my physio therapy. But I’ve had so much fun doing it, that it doesn’t seem like work. Most of the fun actually comes from watching the little kids.
They are so spontaneous – you tell them NOT to run, but their excitement takes over and away they go.

And I got to thinking, how spontaneous am I?

I had a friend many years ago who was more spontaneous than anyone I’ve met since. His name was Cliff, and he made me laugh every time we were together. He and I made naked snow angels together, went rock climbing together (totally spur of the moment – I was in a trench coat and high-heeled boots!) and did a lot of FUN things. We travelled to Florida with 6 other people in a mini-van and golfed for two days.

He often whispered outrageous things in my ear while we were in meetings – just to see me blush.

And it was not uncommon for me to find him in my apartment planting something wonderful on my balcony, or cooking up a storm.

I never knew when he would show up or why.

Don’t get me wrong; we had lots of times together that were actually planned.

But the ones that stand out in my memory are the ones that were not planned.

We are not together now (I moved 3000 miles away). And I realize that I miss that (what Archie Bunker used to call) ‘sperm of the moment’ stuff.

As an adult, it’s our job to see that children are safe. We make rules like Walk, Don’t Run, or No Diving, or we tell kids NOT to do something that they decide suddenly they want to do.
But in doing so, we limit their spontaneity – and their FUN. And actually we limit our own fun as well – just watching them leap into the pool with looks of pure joy on their little faces is fabulous pleasure for me.

And as soon as I can, I’m going to do just that – leap into the pool holding hands with one of them. Just for the FUN of it!

Nobody wants a DRUDGER!

Recently, I was reading an article about people for whom life is Drudgery! Every move they make, every task they undertake, every chore – feels like drudgery.

You probably know someone like this; heck, maybe you even feel like this your self from time to time!

But you also know that no one likes to be around someone who feels like this, especially someone who seems to feel like this MOST of the time!

When you care about a person, you want to do everything you can to cheer them up, make them feel better, encourage them. And when a friend is down, you are going to do just that – cheer them up, if at all possible. You’ll offer to take the kids off their hands for an afternoon, or take them to an event that might bring some joy into their lives, or even plan something to brighten their day. And sometimes, that is just what the doctor ordered.

But sometimes, nothing that you do seems to work.

You can talk til you’re blue in the face; or listen until you can’t stand it anymore; or hold their hand and hug them, hoping that they’ll snap out of it.

But honestly, there are times when none of that works.

And when that is the case, the only thing to do is just BE.

Eckhar t Tolle says that sometimes, the best that we can do for a friend is just accept them where they are – don’t resist the pain that they are suffering; just weather the storm with them.

I had an experience like that once.

My friend called me to say that her mom was dying and asked me to come to the hospital to wait with her. Actually, it was a very funny night, as we tried to get comfortable in these ‘loungey –type’ chairs to find a bit of sleep overnight. We kept falling out of the chairs, feeling silly and slightly irreverent.

But the humour got us through, and in the early hours of the morning, when her mom finally passed on, we felt that we had stayed connected through it all.

It may seem that when things are difficult you should be more serious and not try to bring laughter into the mix. But go and see Horton Hears a Who, and see how he does just that.

You can have fun – in every day life, through the ups and the downs. Believe me; I know!

FUN solutions to ‘not-so’ fun challenges:

I recently heard from my friend Anna who has jumped on board with our ‘fun’ program. Anna and I were talking about another friend of mine whose name is Christine. Christine was sharing an interesting day she had where NOTHING seemed to be going her way. She kept running into road-blocks every which way she turned. And, like most super-women, kept trying to push past the blocks and getting frustrated.

Finally, out of sheer desperation, Christine decided to let it all go, and head off to the massage parlour to indulge herself in some serious respite.

It was just what the doctor ordered!

But more amazing than that, when Christine returned home, she found that all the problems she had been dealing with, had magically resolved themselves!

If you’re like me, you encounter days like that – and some of us (that consider ourselves Warriors) summon up all of our energy and act in spite of our fears, in spite of our challenges, in spite of anything. And sometimes we succeed; and sometimes, we don’t.

I believe that the times we don’t succeed are the times we should consider leaving the challenges to the Universe to sort out, and go have some fun.

This is the discussion that Anna and I were having. And together, we decided that whenever we encountered a ‘bump’ on the road, we’d take that as a sign that we should go have some fun.

What does that look like?

Well, for Anna, it means she goes to a weight class with her Personal Trainer, or joins a Dream Dinner Party with a whole new group of women; she may also play tennis with some of her friends or take a horse-back riding lesson.

Whatever you decide to do, you can be sure that when you return to facing the challenges you left behind, you’ll face them with a whole new perspective, more energy, and a great deal more insight. And even if none of them have resolved themselves, you’ll be more successful in your approach, feel more relaxed, and be much more present.

Try this, and let us know how you make out – we’d love to hear from you!